Travel chores

Just because you're on the road doesn't mean that you don't have to do chores, whether they need to be done daily, weekly or monthly. Here's how I make sure my chores get done while I travel. 

Daily 

The daily chores you have to do when you're travelling are pretty much the same as the daily chores you have to do back home. Make your bed, tidy your things and make sure you clean up after yourself in the kitchen. In addition to taking care of the space around you, it's also vital that you take care of yourself. Brush your teeth, wash your hair when you need to and make sure you shower. Hostel rooms can get stuffy, and you don't want to be the one who makes the entire room smell. 

Weekly 

Weekly needs vary from person to person; for instance, I need to make sure I've filled my med pot for the upcoming weeks. You might need to check in with family members that you don't speak to regularly to let them know you are safe. The one universal chore, however, is laundry. 

When booking hostels or hotels, it can be useful to look through the list of amenities to see if they have laundry facilities. A lot of them will have washing machines you can use for a charge, and some will do your laundry for you. If the place you're staying doesn't have washing facilities, ask at the front desk and they'll hopefully be able to point you to the nearest laundrette. I have a bag that fits a washing machine's worth of clothes in, so I know it's time to wash them when the bag fills up. Alternatively, it can be useful to do your laundry each time you move to a new location. No one wants to travel with stinky clothes. 

Monthly 

Once again, monthly chores vary from person to person, but there are certain things that can be useful to do at the start of each month to make sure you are prepared for the weeks ahead. 

I'm about to move into my second month of travel, so I'm planning out all the bills I will have to pay for the remainder of my trip. By doing it now, I know that I will be prepared for any upcoming outgoings and I will be able to budget accordingly. This means I won't be surprised by any unexpected expenses and I will know exactly how much I have leftover for the the rest of my trip

Stay safe on the road

J

Sensory travel plans

I'm in massive sensory overload today. I woke up feeling great, physically and mentally, because I didn't go out last night when I was going to. Not only did I not have a hangover, but I woke up without feeling guilty or avoiding my phone because of any messages I might have sent. I was incredibly proud of myself, which was an amazing way to start the day. 

This unfortunately didn't last forever, and I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed after my shower and not just because of my useless quick-drying towel. It's travel chores day, meaning it's time to wash my hair, do my laundry and review my bag in preparation for flying to London tomorrow. My hair gets incredibly knotty and so I hate having to wash and dry it, and the only clean bra I had was a sports bra. I don't know if you've ever worn a sports bra, but I'm pretty sure the person who invented them also invented the straitjacket. 

Eventually, I got changed again and took the thing off, but the sensory overload had already begun. Another factor that is contributing to my stress is that I have to go back to England tomorrow, and I just don't want to. Travel is very tiring, especially when you don't want to go somewhere, but certain occurrences have made me feel even more stressed when I travel. 

I had never, ever had a problem with travelling until I flew from Sydney to Darwin a few years ago and I was in a window seat. I was trying to get past the man next to me to get to the bathroom, and he was too large for me to move from my seat. I had to physically push against the seat above him to get past, and, since then, I've had terrible claustrophobia in my legs when I fly.

I know that's totally not a thing, but it's the best way of describing it. 

I felt this again on my flight from Fiji to LAX. My flight had free meals, but there was nowhere for me to put my rubbish, and so I had to leave my tray down, reducing how much space my legs had. Add to this the fact that my bag had to be stored in the seat in front of me, I was getting stressed and anxious because I didn't have room to move. From the waist up, I felt absolutely fine, but from the waist down, I felt like my legs were in casts. 

Another thing that affects my senses is carrying my bags around. I ordered a bag with a sleeve that can fit over my suitcase handle, which I'll be able to use on the second half of my trip. I'm looking forward to having this with me; I don't have to use my backpack. Travelling for two months means that my bags are cumbersome and heavy, but this is just an unavoidable part of being on the road.  

To help with these sensory issues, I've put together a list of things to help with my stress and anxiety when I fly. 

Putting my hair up 

I had very short hair for a long time, think Mia Farrow or Sinead O'Connor, but I'm finally on my way to growing the long princess hair I've wanted for so long. But, since I've been travelling, I've wanted to return to my pixie cut instead. I hate having my hair up, but I also hate my hair getting stuck in my bag or covering my entire face. Tomorrow I'm just going to have to suck it up and put my hair in a scrunchy. I'll look like I've got microcephaly, but at least I won't rip out half my hair every time I move my head. 

Paying for checked baggage

Admittedly, I've just found out that I don't have any checked luggage allowance for tomorrow, and I have absolutely no desire to pay over $200 to add any extra luggage to my ticket, but from now on, I'm going to do my best to check my baggage when I can. That way, I can put my backpack in the cabin above me and have maximum space under the seat in front of me. For tomorrow, I'm going to have to try and wedge everything in my backpack into my suitcase so I can at least be semi-comfortable on my way back to London, but I'm pretty sure I have checked baggage for the rest of my trip.

Comfort

My friend Jason likes to make sure he dresses smartly when he travels, and, as much as I would like to do the same, I will take comfort over class on each and every flight. I didn't have a specific outfit planned for tomorrow, but I had a vague idea of what I was going to wear; but now that's very much changed. I have no desire to sit in full-length leggings and a dress for 5 hours, and so tomorrow will be a repeat of today's look of shorts and a T-shirt. Fabric-free legs = frustration-free legs

I'm also going to make sure I have access to the snuggle rug I picked up on my way here throughout the flight. Planes get cold, and I don't want to be freezing my ass off on the journey I want to do least on this trip. Plus, playing with the soft texture calms me down, so it's a win-win. 

Flippy flops

I no longer have the trainers I started travelling in, and so I've been walking around in my heels for the past week and a half. I've managed to wear them in so they're a lot more comfortable now, but they're not exactly travel shoes.

Luckily, I packed my last pair of Primark flip flops to wear around the hostels I'm staying in, so my toes can be comfortable too. Moving my feet around helps with how tense my legs get when they are restricted, and being able to take my shoes off easily is going to be a lifesaver.

Side note, if you do the same, don't forget to put them back on when you walk around. Plane carpets and bathrooms can be nasty. 

Stay safe on the road

J

13 years

I met Mark 13 years ago. Normally, I give people pseudonyms when I write about them, but given how I'm feeling about him at the moment, people knowing his name is the least of my concerns. We worked at a call centre together selling solar panels in England, which is as unpleasant as it sounds, and we became friends when he became my boss. 

The first time we hung out just us was over lunch together. We had a really odd conversation where he said his wife was mad at him because she'd asked if he thought they would be together forever, and he said no. When I first heard this, I was on his side. I mean, if you ask an uncomfortable question, you risk getting an uncomfortable answer. It wasn't until I found out she was 8 months pregnant at the time that I thought that maybe she had a right to be a tad upset. 

Incidentally, I only found out she was pregnant when I saw the ultrasound photo on his cubicle. He never mentioned it. I had a similar incident with my friend the other day, who didn't mention he was having a baby until just before he got the subway home. We met up twice in Toronto and had been together for an hour by that point. It was the most heterosexual male thing of all time. 

We were both in relationships when we met, but we started sleeping together when I was with my ex. I don't know when he broke up with his daughter's mum, but thankfully, I've never had to interact with either of them, so it's not something that comes up in conversation very much. We were sleeping together long after my ex and I broke up, and it seemed casual at first. Then it got past the 11-month mark and my friend found me walking around my house wearing a shirt he'd left at my house, and I realized we'd gone a few steps past casual. A threesome based incident that ended in jealousy confirmed that things weren't as relaxed as we first thought, but we never really spoke about it. I have cripplingly low self-esteem when it comes to relationships, and I was in complete denial about how I felt so I never said a word. Life would have been a lot easier if I had. 

Although we stopped sleeping together naturally after I moved away, we kept in touch and spoke pretty regularly. By this point, I'd finally realized how I felt about him, but it felt pointless to mention given the distance. It wasn't until this year that I finally told him, and I got the response that every woman dreams of. 

"There was a time when I thought I could"

Side note, the last man to tell me he loved me was a guy called Maggot. Given my past experiences, I'm okay with this. 

Eventually, I hit my wall and messaged him a few weeks ago, asking him to let me go. I can't be in a relationship when I'm in love with someone else, and given that he told me he didn't love me, I thought the best thing was for me to move on. He apologized but we carried on talking and the weekend I was in New York, I messaged him saying that if he told me he loved me then and there, we could make it work. 

He said he didn't love me, and I was content to move on. 

Fast forward to a week later, when I was met with a joyous message telling me he could definitely love me if we were together. First of all, the words definitely and could do not go together and second of all, what the living fuck?

When I, understandably, asked where this came from, he said quite simply that the distance made it impossible. Which is valid. We started talking again, and he told me he wanted me there so he could fall in love with me. 

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

I told him that there was a chance I may spend some time back in England next year, and if we feel the same in a year and we're in the same place, we can give it a go. If we make it 14 years, we might as well give it a shot, but that's dependent on a lot of things. 

As you can probably imagine, I had a lot of issues with this. Where was this 13 years ago? Where were these feelings when we were in the same place? Admittedly, I didn't tell him either, but that's because I have hideously low self-esteem and assumed he didn't feel the same, but then he could have told me. It's not just up to me. 

Also, what changed in the space of a week? How did he go from telling me he didn't love me to telling me he definitely could? 

I'm a hopeless romantic, and I feel like there is a reason we've stayed in each other's lives so long. I can see myself being with him, but only if he can be okay with the way I live my life. I don't know if I'm going to be in Australia long term but I know that I want to travel where I can. He has a daughter, I could never ask him to come travelling with me and, more to the point, I don't want him to. I travel alone and I like it this way.

Also, stepmother is not a role I'd be any good at. I've made it this long without meeting Dililah and I think everyone involved would like it to stay this way. 

I love this man and, apparently, he loves me in some way. But I also love my life, and there's no way I'm giving this up anytime soon. 

Stay safe on the road 

J

Over rated travel products

Quick dry towels

My gym has a no-towel, no-train policy, and I was lucky enough to find a quick-dry towel in the lost and found. Normally, I don't use them, but given that it took up zero space in my luggage, I stuck it in my bag and thought it would be useful to have.

Holy fucking shit, no. It's perfect for cleaning down gym equipment or wiping the sweat off your face, but that's it. This thing doesn't even remotely get you dr,y and if I didn't use it at the gym, I would have set it on fire weeks ago. If you haven't bought the right towel with you a lot of hostels will allow you to borrow a towel for a small fee, and some will give you one along with your bed sheets. And if all else fails, pop to the local store to pick one up. Anything to actually get yourself dry and prevent you from having to attempt to pull your clothes on with soaking wet skin. 

Conditioner bars 

I'm all for saving space in my luggage, and given that a lot of airpots still abide by the fitting-all-liquids-in-one-bag rule, I picked up a reusable conditioner bar to give myself more room for liquids. Probably one of the worst packing decisions I've made. 

Think of how your hair feels when you don't rinse the conditioner out of your hair properly, and then double it for grossness. Your hair will be vaguely passable for the first day, but the second will leave you feeling like you've washed your hair in a deep fat fryer. I  don't like to wash my hair every day, so I've been doing my best to rely on dry shampoo, but if it's not your thing, just decant your conditioner into a TSA-friendly bottle and be done with it. 

Hairdryer

It can seem obvious to bring electronics such as hair dryers or straighteners away with you, especially if you're the kind of person that doesn't like to let your hair air dry. While straighteners can be useful if you like to style your hair, hairdryers are often a waste of space. They may not be great quality but the front desk will usually have one you can borrow or they can often be found in the showers. Not only does it save space, but it's one less thing you have to worry about attaching to an adapter plug if you're travelling over seas. 

Multiple pairs of shoes 

Admittedly I'm struggling with this one at the moment because I lost my trainers and left a pair of sneakers that I'd left with my friend Katie at hers because they were kinda ugly and only have heels and flippy floppys, but for the most part I've got this travel footwear thing down. 

On my first trip I took so many options with me that I ended up leaving behind a pair of boots that I really liked because they made my bag to heavy. On another trip I ended up paying to dry my shoes in a laundrette because I only had one pair. You need to find a medium. Like heels? Take a pair but only one. Going to be walking a lot? Take some decent shoes but  make sure you have a spare incase they get wet. You might get lucky and find a pair of leftover shoes in the lost and found at your hostel but this isn't guaranteed, and there is nothing worse than having soggy toes. 

Blankets/sleeping bags  

It's tempting to bring your own sheets or sleeping bags to a hostel, but it can feel a tad icky sleeping on sheets that multiple people have slept on, even if they've been washed. But this can just take up extra room in your bag for no reason. 

A lot of hostels I've stayed in have prohibited bringing your own sheets or sleeping bag, possibly to prevent bed bugs or other vermin from being brought into the rooms. If you really don't feel comfortable sleeping on the sheets they've given you, either ask for a fresh set or wash them yourself before you make your bed. Feeling chilly? Ask the front desk for an extra blanket. Odds are they've got one and a lot of the time they'd rather you were comfortable and warm instead of cold and unhappy. 

Stay safe on the road

J

Hostel etiquette pt 2

I've written a post about how to behave when you're staying in bostels before, but given that I've spent the vast majority of my time recently sleeping in bunk beds with a room full of strangers, I  thought I'd give you an update

Free food 

Last night I dined finely on butter noodles, or the version of them I was able to make with the macaroni, margarine and salt available in the free section of the hostel kitchen. Every hostel with a kitchen will have a free food section. It won't always be stocked, but when people leav,e they tend to leave their leftover food behind with them. Some planes don't allow you to take food from one country to another, Australia included, and food can take up a lot of space and weight in your luggage. 

While this free food is always a bonus, it's important to only take what you need. The macaroni I found yesterday will feed me again tonight and the leftover jam added some sweetness to my porridge. I've left the bag of oats I bought in the kitchen for other people to use and anything else I buy will be left too. Share the love with leftover food, but don't take any more than required. That bag of pasta isn't just yours, it's for everyone, So don't be greedy!

UPDATE 

Someone took all of my porridge. Dick move, Goldilocks. Dick move.

Hygiene

I did my best to keep my hostel room door open when I got in last ngiht because the smell was less than pleasent. With multiple people sleeping in one room smells can marinate and you don't want to be the person everyone avoids. I'm not saying that you need a fuill everything shower each morning, but at the very least jump in the shower. Shower gel can usually be found in the bathrooms or purchased in local stores and the people around you witll thank you for not stinking up the room. 

Keep a clear head

When I was in Vegas I knew that I wouldn't be safe staying in a hostel there on my own, and one single night proved it. I have no memory of that night,  but I know I was nearly kicked out of my room. I made a mistake and I can't take it back, but I can use this experience to teach myself how to behave in the future. It's no secret that I have an issue with alcohol and addictions, but this trip has made me realise that drinking too much while I'm away can affect the comfort of people around me. I enjoyed a couple of beers last night but then went straight to bed. Not only did I wake up without a hangover, but I also knew where I was and how I'd made it to bed. I didn't have to apologise to anyone around me and I didn't feel guilty. It was a wonderfully refreshing part of my trip.

Make friends if you can

I'm dedicating this  part of my trip to being alone. I've been around people constantly for the past month and it's been amazing but draining. This isn't always the case though. I've met some amazing friends in hostels that I've stayed in around the world and it's great to team up with people when you go sight seeing. Different people from different cultures enjoy travelling in different ways, and you might end up doing things you wouldn't normally do on your own.  

Share 

Sharing on your travels isn't just about food, it;s not just pasta and porridge oats that can be shared. Got a book you've finished that you won't read again? Leave it in the communal space for someone else to enjoy or give it to someone in your room. Bought a sweater with you but realised once you left home that  it doesn't fit? As at reception if they have a space for leftover clothes. It also works both ways and you can find some great books or clothing that might come in handy for the rest of your trip. Don't waste space by carrying things that you don't need, there's a good chance someone else will enjoy them more. 

Stay safe on the road

J

One month in

On Monday, I will have been travelling for a month. Long-term travelling aside, this is the longest I've spent on one trip, and it's been amazing but educational. I've learnt a lot about myself since I hit the road this time, but I've also learnt a lot about travelling in general. 

Clothes

Packing-wise I actually did okay. Other than losing my trainers and having to wear a very uncomfortable pair of heels, I've pretty much had everything that I've needed clothing-wise. The plan was to travel halfway round the world on the clothes that I already own and then hit Primark when I'm in England to buy clothes to wear in Paris and Germany. Aside from my tote bag breaking, I haven't had to replace anything and I ended up picking up a sewing kit and fixing it along with a pair of pants. So far I've been pretty set. 

Technology

Whenever I've travelled before, be it through Central Europe or the US, I've always been able to use my phone in other countries. It's been expensive, but possible, and I haven't had to do anything before I leave. This time, I was not so lucky.

It doesn't help that my phone is a piece of shit. I don't believe in paying for phones on long-term contracts, but that doesn't mean I should have spent less than the price of a gram of cocaine on a phone from the post office. It's hanging on for now, barely, but I should have made the effort to make sure my phone was fully functioning and that it would work on my trip before I left. As it turns out, I didn't, and I've had to rely fully on WiFi for the vast majority of my trip. Strangely, it's been working in Montreal, and I've been able to add international calling to my phone plan. Hopefully this means I'll be able to use it in the UK and Central Europe, but as a last resort, someone I know should have a spare phone knocking around that I can get unlocked and use for the rest of my trip. 

My laptop has been amazing. Its small size means I can carry it around with me, but the screen is big enough that my friends and I were able to watch TV shows together when we were in Niagara. I've been able to write, apply for jobs and keep track of all my travel information, and it's been even better since my phone has started working and I've been able to connect to my phone's Wifi hotspot. The charging cable is quite bulky and obviously has an Australian plug socket, but that's not something I can control. 

My adaptor plug is obnoxiously big and can die in a fire, but it's doing the job for now. 

Luggage 

For the first time since I started travelling, I invested in some decent luggage before I came on this trip. I got given a $100 tip for carrying a tray of tequila shots over to a table, and I clubbed my wages together and bought a bag that I knew would fit into the overhead cabin and be able to carry everything I'd need for the two months I was away. 

Suitability aside, there are a couple of things I'd change if I bought another one. 

First of all, I'd buy a fabric case. When I  boarded my first plane, I wanted to keep my luggage in the cabin with me, but it was too heavy, and plastic cases are automatically heavier than fabric ones. It also has the issue of having two compartments, with one automatically becoming smaller once you fill the other. It fits my stuff and is easier to carry around, so it's perfect for what I need, but I'd make a few changes if I could. 

Shopping

I never, and I mean never, buy souvenirs when I travel. My eyes give me enough memories, and in a pinch, I'll take a photo. I'll sometimes pick up presents for my mum, but the most I've ever bought myself was a ring from Portugal, and even that took about an hour of consideration. This trip has been a little different, though.

There is one bookshop in Darwin City and one in the local shopping centre. The former is only marginally bigger than my apartment and mostly stocks Australian authors, and the other is mostly popular books and fun gift sets. Add to that the fact that Amazon charges an absurd amount to get anything to me, and my bookshopping options are very limited. Although Thriftbooks has been a lifesaver. 

This meant that when I got to Sydney and was actually able to enter a bookstore, I got a little bit excited, and so far I've bought 11 books. I've been good at donating the ones I've finished, and I've downloaded a few onto my phone so I don't take up too much space, but finding books I've been struggling to get hold of has been far too tempting. I even found a copy of Survivor, a book that I haven't seen since before I started uni. I limited myself to four during my 90-minute trip to Barnes and Noble on 5th Avenue, and my plan is to box the books I don't want to donate up and send them to myself from Basildon to arrive when I get home. The whole venture has been quite expensive, but given that I used to be addicted to cocaine, I feel I could be spending my money on a lot worse. 

Stay safe on the road

J

Hamilton

My friend Katie showed me the musical Hamilton the other day, and other than thinking it was insanely long, I thought it was amazing. My favourite song by far was Non-Stop, mainly because it massively called me out. 

A frequently repeated line throughout the song asks Alexander Hamilton, "Why do you write like you're running out of time?" because I realized that, as someone who professes to want to write so much, I don't. 

Writing soothes me, but as  I've mentioned before, it's very demoralizing that people don't read what I write. Attempting to write professionally is exhausting and writing to a company to convince them to let you write for them is a head fuck, but one I should be used to by now. I've been using these two things to justify not writing at all when, in fact, I should be using this as inspiration. 

I'm lucky in that I am a genuinely good writer, I just don't have the drive when I should do. So what if no one reads what I write? The won't have anything to read if I don't write it in the first place. 

Take the essay that I started last month. After reading Skin I realised the similarities between the text and Palaniuk's Invisible Monsters and Benjamin Zephania's Face. I had a great idea, an idea that I could go far with and enjoyed discussing with my friends. I had a great starting point but I just, stopped. In the same vein as the essay I wanted to write analysing the use of narrative in Bret Easton Ellis novels I was too lazy to open my laptop and get the words down. The ideas excited me, relaxed me and made my brain feel like it was finally turned on for the first time in months, but I never actually made the effort to put the words down. 

There are so many things I could try to blame but the only problem is myself. There is noone else who can put my ideas onto paper so I have to get off my ass and do it. I finally found a copy of Invisible Monsters, seemingly impossible in Darwin because it's a tad dark. But on my first trip to an actual book store in over two years I finally did. I also found a copy of a book that I lent my friend 14 years ago and never got back. I should probably let that one go but, as anyone who knows me will know, your girl is good at holding a grudge. 

My job as a bartended affects my writing as well, but I incorrectly see this affect as a negative. Yes I work long hours, no I'm not working as a writer. But I'm working a job that allows me to write in my spare time whilst making an income. No one is good at everything, but I'm lucky enough to be good at two things I enjoy and so I need to make use of this. What's the point in having free time to write if I don't make use of it?

I'm in Montreal at the moment, surrounded  by crisp leaves and beautiful architecture and I'm allowing myself to relax into my words. The air is crisp and the leaves are falling and each day I'm on this trip I relax even more. Every person I've described Darwin to has told me I need to move and I'll touch more on that later. A white man quite literally got away with murdering an indigenous person not to long ago and as my friend Katie pointed out, I will find somewhere else to live outside of the Northern Territory. Yes money is an issue, but money will be an issue wherever I go. My lease runs out in February and I have solemnly promised not to  renew it. Right now I'm just happy to be writing and surrounded by the things I enjoy. Travel soothes me and I'll  always be able to make more money, so I just need to relax. 

And stop making excuses. 

Stay safe on the road

J

A fairwell to vegas

The second stop on my trip and the first outside of Australia was to Las Vegas. The primary purpose and planning starting point of the journey, I finally managed to catch up with a friend I met in Budapest in 2018. One of the best parts of travelling is that I have friends all over the world. 

Vegas was bright, very bright. And aggressively overstimulating. The journey was long and intense, but it allowed me to make my first single-serving friend of the trip, a photographer from Melbourne named Ellie. After 15 long hours of flying, countless hours of flight delay and copious amounts of white wine, I arrived at Las Vegas airport to my friend holding a very makeshift sign with my name on it, baffled at the fact that it was still Thursday. 

I'm not used to travelling this way around the world. 

In the least cliche way possible, it was everything I had imagined. Loud, loud music. Lights so bright they confused my eyes, and countless slot machines and card games. I only saw a single clock all weekend, and the smell of weed permeated the city. You can even smoke inside, much to my mother's shock. My friend has given up smoking for Lent every year since I met him. Somehow, he still enjoys a fag or two. 

I promised my mother that I'd try to do at least one touristy thing every day on this trip, and Vegas definitely allowed me to fulfill my pledge. I absorbed as much American culture as humanely possible over the short period of time my friend and I were together, and was bombarded with every aspect of Vegas imaginable. I had an amazing, if overstimulating, time and even saw a couple wearing clothing with "just married" emblazoned on the back. It was a true Vegas experience, but it was clear that the thing that made Vegas safe for me was being with Jason. It wasn't a good idea for me to be there alone. 

As a result of this, and the wait for my Canadian travel authorization that had still not arrived despite my criminal record finally being clear, I decided to change my plans and travel to New York. At least this way, I would be able to get the bus into Toronto. I cancelled my accommodation across both cities, booked a very expensive flight to NYC and found a hostel to stay in for only $8. I was set.

Obviously, I woke up on Monday morning with my travel authorization safely in my inbox, but by that point it was too late, and I needed to carry on with plan B. Jason and I had said our goodbyes the night before and I arrived at my hostel after my last Vegas breakfast and countless trips around a hotel with live flamingos looking for Wifi. Within 20 minutes of arrival, I had been told I had "sick leg work" (good) and found the local meth head (bad). A simple trip to a 7/11 seemed like a good idea, but after copious amounts of alcohol, I awoke to realize why I was right to change my trip. 

As a former addict and someone who struggles with alcohol, I know when I am likely to put myself in danger or not ensure my own safety. Although physically unharmed, I had put myself in a dangerous situation within just one day of being in Vegas alone and staying longer would have made things a lot worse. I was incredibly frustrated and upset with myself and desperately wished I had stuck to my original plans and not spent the money I had. The thing is, it doesn't matter how much money you are saving or spending; if you're not safe, you're just not safe. 

It took me a long time to get to New York and cost me more than I am willing to admit, but I know things would have gotten a lot worse had I stayed in Nevada. My time there alone could definitely have been better, but I know it was likely to have gotten a lot, lot worse if I had stayed. I was feeling very despondent when I settled myself into my Uber, but kept reminding myself that all that mattered was that I was safe and sound. This feeling of safety thankfully increased and grew into a full blown sign from the universe when I started to recognize the hostel I was staying at. It turns out I had been here in 2019 on a trip from Tortonto to Chicago, and it was where I had met my friend Anna. Ironically on a trip around America, having finished high school in Australia, we still talk today, and she is one of my favourite travel friends. The person at reception even recognized that I'd been here before. 

When I was finally settled in my room, I was in a mood that could only be fixed by sleep, and after taking a fair dose of melatonin to combat any jetlag, I slept for around 24 hours. That combined with a good shower and hairwash made me feel fully human again, and I've spent my first day in NYC catching up on laundry, writing to my sailor and reading a book so accurate it's burgeoning on frustrating. I'm finally calming down and feeling safe again, and have decided to stay put until Sunday, when I'll finally make my way to Toronto. It feels good to know I'll be in one place for a few days, and I know that my next adventure will be even more enjoyable for it. 

Stay safe on the road

Jess

Sometimes a d is just a d

I went to see the Tender Comrade exhibition at Sydney's White Rabbit Gallery this morning. A "sprawling ecosystem of relationships, networks and alliances", the first thing I encountered was a giant inflatable dick. Xia Han's Humiliation, featuring an inflatable structure in the position of a peeing dog and three Game Boy consoles showing various digital animations, claims to have been a comment on society, but I found myself disagreeing. In reality, it might just be a giant dick.  

Not all of the first floor's content danced with the Freudian. Han's Less is More explored, once again, the nauseatingly cliché conversation of male/female representation in video games. Apparently, we haven't asked why women wear less clothing and male characters are wrapped in armour enough. Shang Liang played with curves, line and masculinity in Boxing Man 7 and described the aggressive male form with bursting muscles, raw colour and purposeful lines. 

The majority of the pieces featured in the exhibition commented on various forms of sexuality and the queer space, but in a way that has sadly been done before. With visual scaremongering, rage baiting and a shock and awe attitude to interacting with the audience, it toed the line between an accurate portrayal of homosexuality in the Chinese art space and a lazy attempt at engaging the audience. Sin Wai Kin's The Breaking Story 2 showed bright and garish film, telling me I wasn't who I thought I was. Pixy Liao's Ping Pong Balls, a C-Type Print of a hand grasping, yet another, penis shaped object pressed against a table tennis bat commented on power dynamics in an artist's relationship. Zheng Bo's Pteridophilia explored sexual attraction in nature.

Yes, apparently plants can be gay.

As always, concent was brought into play, but this time through the gallery itself rather than the artist, both explicitly and implicitly. I was asked not to use a pen for fear of spilling ink in the gallery. Samsung Young's Risers, an amalgamation of carpet, colour and height, begged to be walked on. Although I had a very strong suspicion that this would have gotten me removed from the gallery. If I couldn't move a pen near a piece, I doubt I could have moved my feet on one. A Hong Kong native born in 1979, Young claims to "Make stuff and sometimes write music", and tells us "The world is yours", in neon. Well, Mr Young, if the world is mine, why can't I fully interact with your piece?

There were some genuinely interesting pieces within the exhibition. Fan Daqi's Marshes and its rotating desk fan aside, Yan Shen's collection played with bright lines and texture, most excitedly in Sailor and Monster. Han Duyi's Ordinance of Subconscious lent a tactile and physical nod to more well-known Chinese culture. Lin Zhipeng's Layers showed tenderness and intimacy in nudity and the queer male gaze. 

There are moments of softness within the exhibition's aggression. But as a bisexual woman, not every piece of art produced by my community needs to be so forceful. The art world is not attacking us, and our sexuality is not being censored through artistic media. There is benefit in softness and sometimes, just sometimes, a dick is just a dick. 

Stay safe on the road

J

Hit the road Jess, the Sydney diaries.

I arrived in Sydney on Sunday night and all but immediately remembered why I'm far more of a city girl than anything else. There is public transport here, things were open after 10pm on a Sunday, and no one screamed at me in the street as I walked past them. 

It was almost relaxing. 

I KO-ed like a mother bitch in my hostel bed once I'd found my home for the next few days and woke up to free breakfast and coffee. Coffee that I would immediately chase with a Starbucks iced americano once I was reunited with the bitter Seattle nectar from which I have been rudely separated from for the past 2 years. I know it's bad coffee, but it was my bad coffee.  

Wondering around the city, I found myself returning to the area I used to live in and went balls deep into as many book and art stores as I could find. We have one book shop in Darwin city that's only marginally bigger than my apartment, and there are no art shops in sight. 

Armed with 4 books I had intended to purchase alongside the one I was actually looking for, I went to the first gallery I had been to, possibly since I arrived in Australia. I take an obnoxiously long time looking around galleries, but this one I didn't spend that long in. Not because I wanted to leave, but because I wanted to write. I wanted to draw. I wanted to carry on walking around, finally happy to feel like myself again. 

I don't know if it's the being out of Darwin, being in a city or engaging in my favourite activity, which is having absolutely nothing other than the bare essentials of what I need to survive, but I haven't felt this happy since I spent those two nights with the sailor. I feel excited about the things around me and content to keep moving without a solid plan. My itinerary for the following month is in flux at the moment, and I'm waiting on several emails to see if I can stick to plan A. When I was in Darwin, this upset me; I didn't like not knowing what was going on, but now I have plenty of other options. As long as I have my meds, passport and toothbrush and arrive in Toronto at some point over the next three weeks, I don't care how it happens. 

Two hideous plays, one day of alcohol consumption and a bunk mate that leaves her shit all over the floor aside, I've had a wonderful few days in Sydney. Next up is Vegas and being reunited with my friend for the first time since 2018. I've just got to hit a two and a half hour walking tour first. 

Promised Mumma I'd make an effort to see the sights this time around. 

Stay safe on the road

J