One Week Sober

Yes, you read that right, today marks my officially being 7 days sober from alcohol. 

And it's been a journey. 

As I've said previously, my first AA meeting was on January 14th. The first few days after my meeting went well and, other than a beer that I ordered, drank half of and put down, I managed to stay sober from Tuesday to Sunday. Monday, however, was a different story. I ended up crying to my boyfriend that I didn't want him to leave for four weeks and semi-blacking out. I felt awful, I felt like giving up, but Tuesday rolled around and, although I couldn't make it to my meeting due to a wicked bout of heat stroke, I continued on my sober journey. 

Alcohol has still been on my mind, I'm a bartender after all. It's tempting to stay for a drink after work when you've had a long day and on more than one occasion I've either been offered a beer or invited to another bar after I've locked up. I even said yes once, but after thinking about it I realised that wasn't what I really wanted, and that staying sober was more important. 

No one has really said anything when I've said that I'm not drinking. I've simply told them that I'm having my meds adjusted so I can't drink. The people I work with have a vague knowledge of my condition, some more than others, and understand that I take medication. In this respect I'm lucky, I can simply tell people why I'm saying no to a drink without them asking any more questions. One friend did call me a woose for not drinking, but giving in to peer pressure isn't my style. And even if it was, I'd rather be a sober woose than start drinking again. 

A few things have been helping me to stay sober. I've been going through an ungodly amount of gum to keep my mouth busy. If I can taste mint or I'm being distracted by chewing I don't want to drink. I've also been going straight home after work instead of hanging around for a drink. This has been made a lot easier because I've been closing the bar and have no money to go anywhere else afterwards. 

What's also been helpful is talking to someone from the meeting I attended. I messaged him to let him know that I wanted to be there but couldn't leave the house because I had heat stroke and he's been checking in when he can. I've also been letting him know when I've managed to avoid alcohol. As I have only told a couple of people that I attended an AA meeting, it's nice to talk to someone who understands the programme. I don't have to pretend to have stopped drinking just because of my medication when I talk to him, and the ability to be honest is really helping. 

I'm assuming, or maybe hoping, that I'll be honest about my AA journey one day. But for now, I'm happy to keep it to myself. It's not necessarily a secret, but I don't want people to joke about the idea of me getting sober. I've been drinking since I was 16, and even that was late compared to the people I drank with. It's going to take me a long time to get to the point where I can openly and honestly refuse alcohol, but it's a journey I want to go through in private. 

Stay safe, and sober, on the road.

Jess