Friday Favourites

I wanted to go to the gym this afternoon, but given that my lungs have decided that breathing is too mainstream and my asthma is acting up, I'm at home writing instead. This is a good use of my time, because I haven't been putting fingers to keys much lately. 

It's been 11 weeks since the start of the year and I'll be the first to admit that most of the posts I have written have been me complaining about my godawful relationship, feeling like I'm not at the right place in my life and my mother. Today I decided to try something different and write about the good things that have happened. 

The gym 

My relationship with exercise is shaky at best. I have distinct memories of my mother dragging me to the doctor after she found me desperately working out at 6 in the morning to burn off 500 calories before my day started. Size zero was a big thing in the noughties. Since then I've struggled with the amount of time I can exercise. Being embarrassed about not being able to stay for too long, or worried about how much time I have left in the day to get to work or run errands. Now I'm forcing myself into the mindset of "Just go". It doesn't matter how long I'm there for or how long the people around me are there for, what matters is that I'm making the effort to show up even for a little while. Which is better than not going at all. 

And the iced coffee I treat myself to as a reward for going isn't too bad either. 

Reading

By my last count I have read 13 books this year, working on an average of one a week. Most of them have been from the library but I've picked up a couple from Thriftbooks too. They've mostly been teen fiction because it's easy for me to read and I don't always enjoy heavy plots and dense writing. My favourite so far has been You'd be Home Now by Kathleen Glasgow. It documents a girl whose brother returns from rehab for opiate addiction after a fatal car accident and how she is tasked with looking after him and preventing him from relapsing. After he goes missing, and she finally locates him, he returns to rehab.

As an addict, the book hit very close to home and the author did an amazing job at describing not only the likelihood of addicts relapsing, but that relapses aren't always the final step. I am lucky to now be just over 100 days clean from cocaine, but that was after a period of using again. I'm still working on getting sober. It was a beautiful text that shows how people around you have an influence over how you recover, and not just if they're the ones giving you access to drugs. 

Bills and savings

This month I achieved something I've been wanting to do for the past 3 years. I paid off my credit card. There have been periods since I started using it when the balance has hit close to zero but they never lasted long, and I got caught in the endless cycle of paying minimum payments and interest. The money was being paid but the balance wasn't going down. 

This February I finally managed to pay it off and it was one of the best feelings ever. I told everyone I saw that day. Since then I've actually been able to put some savings away and I'm slowly moving towards reaching the goal I have set myself for the trip I'm planning on taking in September. For the first time in years not only have I been able to save, but I am finally debt free. 

Invisible Boys

I picked up a copy of Invisble Boys by Holden Sheppard in Syndey and a series based on the novel was recently released on Stan. To say it broke me would be an understatement. The story of four boys living in a small town in Western Australia and the different journeys they face with addressing their own sexuality was expertly executed. Bees, the episode where a prominent member of the cast writes a letter to another protagonist, was a perfect example of how one character can dominate an entire episode without overloading the viewer with their presence, and I haven't been able to bring myself to watch the finale because I know how the text ends. Although the series isn't a word-for-word copy of the novel, it bends the story line in a way that fits the period and is a beautiful example of how being gay isn't always an adventure in rainbow flags and parades. 

Stay safe on the road

Jess