Blake Lively

Grab your friends, where your florals

This is going to be a slightly different post than usual, but as a survivor of domestic abuse and sexual assault, I feel qualified to throw my two cents into the ring.

Disclaimer: I haven't seen It Ends With Us or read Coleen Hoover's book. But I've seen a lot of the media reports surrounding its promotion. Blake Lively's completely tone-deaf promotion of a movie about domestic abuse, which even included her shout-out to her hair care line, has become infamous across social media. This isn't a chick flick, it's a movie that centres around domestic violence and how it affects survivors. Domestic abuse can come in many forms, but from what I can tell from clips of the movie the film features a partner physically abusing Lively's character. 

Lively has been slammed for how she behaved during the movie's press tour. But instead of apologizing she has filed legal charges against director Justin Baldoni accusing him of "sexual harassment, retaliation, breach of contract, infliction of emotional distress [and] invasion of privacy". Baldoni's lawyers have responded with their own lawsuit accusing Lively and her husband Ryan Reynolds of defamation. 

Sadly, Baldoni is unlikely to win this case, Lively and Reynolds are arguably one of the world's richest and most famous couples and simply have more resources and public support. A surefire way to gain positive attention from the media is to accuse a man of sexual harassment. People automatically jump to defend the woman and the notion of innocent until proven guilty is thrown out the window. In response to Lively and Reynold's accusations,, Baldoni has released footage of the two dancing in a very intimate way, demonstrating the positive interactions between them. Lively has responded by attempting to file a gagging order against the director, preventing him from disclosing information to the media. Baldoni's team have called this an "intimidation tactic" and "tactical gamesmanship".

Also, why would you try to put a gagging order in place if you didn't have anything to hide? 

I was raped in my early twenties. I reported him to the police that night and he is now sleeping peacefully in prison. This ruined me. Pushing through the case took my degree, energy, confidence and time. I also lost a very good friend of mine and was unable to attend his funeral because it was the same day he was sentenced. It was the most draining and exhausting thing I have ever done and I did it as a student in her early twenties with an incurable mental illness and a severe drug addiction. Two things I am assuming that Lively does not have. 

Well, she might be a drug addict, some people hide these things better than others. 

My issue is this. Why did she wait so long to report him? Lively and her husband are one of the most powerful couples in the world, they had the money and resources to report him as soon as the alleged sexual harassment happened. But for some reason, they chose not to. 

I have absolutely no time for people who wait months or years to report sexual assault. I know there are exceptions, the only one I can think of is if the survivor is a minor, but if you're a full-grown adult you should step up and report the incident as soon as it happened. I initially didn't want to report the man that raped me, but thankfully immediately changed my mind. This small amount of hesitation still haunts me. And is one of the many, many things I feel guilty about about what happened that night. There is no excuse for weakness when it comes to keeping others safe. I was this man's eleventh offence, having raped and assaulted many, many women before me. If he'd been properly reported for these sexual offences, I wouldn't be in the position I am today. 

This is also my issue with the "Me Too" campaign, but that's a post for another day. 

My point is, that if Lively was so deeply damaged by Baldoni's behaviour, there is no excuse for waiting so long to report him. This is an attempt at defaming the director's character as a means of burying her tone-deaf promotion of the film. I have no time to read, listen to or hear tales of people's weakness, and someone with that much money and power has no excuse for behaving in such a manipulative way. If it wasn't reported straight away, I would suggest that it didn't happen at all. 

An unpopular opinion I know, but I've survived domestic, emotional and sexual abuse. My actions and strength make me more than qualified to express my opinions. 

Stay safe on the road

And don't get into cars with strangers. 

Jess

Sources below

https://www.pedestrian.tv/entertainment/blake-lively-federal-lawsuit-justin-baldoni/

https://www.pedestrian.tv/entertainment/justin-baldonis-team-website/

https://www.irishstar.com/culture/entertainment/justin-baldoni-blake-lively-case-34547369

https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity-life/explosive-it-ends-with-us-onset-video-casts-doubt-over-blake-lively-claims/news-story/87d443320b2674b5d08927d6ab077f6d

https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/justin-baldoni-fires-back-blake-livelys-gag-order-attempt-calls-tactical-gamesmanship

https://medium.com/@mantillaryanl/-f1b9a502532e