Sunday Scribbles

These past few days have been hard. I went into full self-destruct mode and got absolutely wankered on Friday night. Even ended up crying in the pub because my boyfriend wouldn't answer the phone. 

This whole thing is taking a toll on my self-esteem I can tell you. 

Anyway, yesterday I spent the morning sleeping off a hangover and eating junk food which, as you can probably imagine, didn't make me feel much better. Work managed to cheer me up as it was a chilled Saturday shift and, other than waking up to no messages from aforementioned boyfriend, I'm feeling good today. 

I never thought I'd be this person btw. It's just the wondering why he won't tell his ex that I'm his girlfriend that's playing on my mind. There's a fine line between understanding and door matt, and I feel like I'm straddling the edge. 

A very sweet Irish guy did spend a good few hours hitting on me though. Jess of a few years ago would have gone home with him but it seems I've actually developed some sense of loyalty in my old age. Who could have predicted that would happen?

I want to laugh today. I've been moping for two days straight and that's not going to fix anything. Wondering why he hasn't told her that we're together isn't going to make him tell her we're together. Checking my phone to see if he's messaged me isn't going to make him message me, and feeling bad for drinking on Friday isn't going to turn back time. He hasn't told her, he hasn't messaged me and I got drunk. I can't do anything about it so I'm moving forward. 

One of the ways I'm moving forward today is just by laughing. I'm fully aware that I'm not at all funny, but I find myself hilarious and that's all that matters. I found Ally McBeal on Disney+ when I was on the phone with my mum and remembered this gospel choir version of Short People by Randy Newman exists. I've been replaying it on a loop since I hung up the phone. 

Seriously, how could anyone not love this 

Other than short people of course

Another way that I'm moving forward today is by going to the gym. I know, not my usual style, but I actually joined a gym near my apartment earlier in the week and there's no way in hell I'm letting the ridiculous joining fee that I paid go to waste. I even signed up for a 12-month membership. That's the most committed thing I've done since I moved in with my ex. 

I'm hoping it helps as a way to distract myself when I want a drink. I'm also hoping that it improves my fitness so I don't get out of breath walking up the minuscule incline between my apartment and the city. I'd also eventually like to be able to lift the weight of a full keg of beer but that's a rather specific, and pointless, goal. My friend said that I should be proud of myself this week for joining and only drinking once and, although that one day of drinking made me feel hella guilty, she's right. I should feel proud of myself. 

Anyway, I'm off to find more things to make me laugh and drag myself up the hill for a workout. I figure as long as I make the effort to leave the house I'm likely to stay for at least 20 minutes. 

Stay safe on the road

Jess