This week my boyfriend leaves Darwin for a month to have a baby with his ex-girlfriend. Amazingly, it's not as odd as it seems as she got pregnant pretty much as they were breaking up, which was a good 8 months before the two of us got together. Still, it's a situation I never thought I'd find myself in.
People around me have been very vocal about how they feel about my new relationship. I knew he had two daughters with this woman already and that was enough for people to throw their two cents into the ring. Ironically the person I got the most kickback from was a divorced friend of mine who also has a kid with his ex-wife. But I feel that was more of a transference issue. Once I found out he was having another baby all hell broke loose.
Some people called it baggage, some called it over the top. My mother even described it as "dead in the water". If anything this comment made me want to date him more because my mother has the worst taste in men since the woman who married Ted Bundy. Others were really happy for me. My aunty reminded me that I'm of the age where people are going to have children and, as my friend Lillie said, better to have kids than be a psycho. Both these people are married and in what I can only assume to be happy relationships. It's the people who appear to be struggling romantically that have a bee in their bonnet.
I'm not saying this situation is not without its flaws. I have felt quite insecure about the whole thing, particularly as he hasn't told his ex-girlfriend that I exist. However, as much as I make everything in the world about me, in this instance, I have to admit that it's not. I'm not the one giving birth, she is. I'm not the one about to have a new daughter, he is. And I can fully understand why he wants to wait until after the child is born to tell her about me, particularly as she's due in less than a week.
I've reminded him that no matter when he tells her there could be a reaction. She may be annoyed that he didn't tell her about me before she had the baby, she may be annoyed that he entered into a relationship with someone else while she was pregnant with his child. She also might not give a shit. There's no way of knowing how another person is going to react. Although I'm 86-ing the "especially when they've just had a baby" idea. If mental illness is no excuse for being an asshole, neither are hormones.
Would I prefer if this wasn't happening? Yes. Would I rather he wasn't going to be thousands of miles away for the next 4 weeks while he spends time with his new baby? Also yes. These next few weeks are going to be tough, I've never been in any form of long-distance relationship before and I understand that he will be incredibly busy and under a lot of stress. But I trust him. I love him. And if he was the kind of guy to abandon the mother of his children and not want to be there for the birth of his child, I don't know if I'd want to be with him in the first place.
Plus it takes the pressure off of if he did want children because I find the things revolting.
Stay safe on the road
(and use a condom)
Jess
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