Boundaries

I'm not good at setting boundaries. I let people treat me badly on the belief that I don't deserve to be treated well. I believe that I should take this bad behaviour, whatever it may be, because of how much I hate myself. 

I'm working on it, don't worry. 

My boyfriend was with his ex for 12 years and they broke up, roughly, nine months ago. I'm not saying that there is a time limit on moving on from one relationship to another, but I'm realising that he's still in a relationship with her. 

Not necessarily a sexual relationship, she just gave birth after all. 

She lives in his dad's house. I don't know the ins and outs of this situation but I can get behind the idea of him wanting them to have somewhere to live. This part doesn't really affect me, I don't live where she does and I have no desire to do so. Renting isn't the right choice for everyone and buying a house is expensive. If there is an empty property she can take advantage of I understand that. He is the grandfather to her children after all. 

Next, she drives his car. This I understand a little less. Once again I can understand him wanting a safe way of her transporting her children but it is his car. He talks about buying a car up in Darwin and, if he already has one, I really don't see why he doesn't use it. Yes, there is the issue of driving it here, but the amount of time and money he would spend on getting it here is nothing in comparison to what he would spend replacing his car. 

It would also make his life a hell of a lot easier and save him a lot of money on Ubers. 

Thirdly, they own land together. I was unaware of this until just before he left. He said he had to sort out the documents to the property he owned with his uncle, but then I found out he owned property with her and had to do the same. Now, there's a chance he also owns property with his uncle and coincidentally had to print, scan and email this information to him and at the same time he had to send it to her. But this is unlikely. 

And then we have the kicker. 

I messaged him the other day asking where he sleeps when he's there. Same room, different beds he told me. At the time I told myself that was okay. That I understood because it would be easier to take care of his newborn in the night if they were both in the same room. Now I'm not so sure. Unless they live in a mansion it would be easy enough for him to hear the baby cry and tend to her when he needed to, and where exactly did he sleep when they stayed with his mother immediately before the birth? 

Some people have said that's understandable, and some people have said that it's not. But I'm realising that I'm really uncomfortable with him sharing a room with his ex-girlfriend whatever the situation. Would they be doing the same when he nexts visits? What happens when the kids grow up and they don't need attention in the night? I want him to spend time with his children. I'm not a fan of the deadbeat dad trope. But it's the moving in with his ex for weeks at a time and sharing a room with her when he does so that I'm not so happy with. 

And that my friend, is a boundary. 

Stay safe on the road

Jess