Friday Forts

When the pandemic happened, life stopped. I could still work for a small portion of it because I worked hospitality but other than that I was locked down like the rest of the world. Before the doors closed I had a job as a magazine's managing editor, which was a great opportunity for me, but it didn't last. 

During lockdown and my time in Canada, I scored some more writing jobs, but my addiction put a stop to that. Without realising at the time my drinking and drug use affected my work and I lost multiple contracts. Since then I feel like my writing career has disappeared, and that it never really existed in the first place. 

I worked as a writer, in-house and freelance, before I started travelling and even had a freelance contract when I first arrived in Toronto. After that ended I went back into hospitality. When I was away it wasn't as easy for me to find work and I kind of gave up.

I love my job. I'm a duty manager at a local bar and although the hours are unreliable I really enjoy it, but I feel like my career as a writer is slipping away. Other than my blog I haven't written anything since I lived in Toronto. Constant rejection is difficult to handle and I've lost my ability to do it. I don't have the thick skin that I used to. A rejection email doesn't kill you, but my confidence is so low that now I don't even bother putting the effort in because I automatically assume that I'm going to fail. It all boils down to low self-esteem and making excuses and I'm struggling to rejig my thoughts. 

My goal is to find a remote job that I can do around my work as a bartender so that I can write and still have work while I go on my trip in September. I have 5 and a half months to reach my goal. I know where to look, what to do and how to find what I want, I just need to stop making excuses and do it. 

Getting sober is going to be a long journey and I didn't realize how much it would affect every area of my life. I feel as if I'm starting my life over, and it's really fucking scary. 

Doable, but scary

Stay safe on the road

Jess